American culture used to champion resiliency. In sports we loved the “Miracle on Ice” U.S. Hockey team not just because they stuck it to the Soviet Union but also because they overcame obstacle after obstacle barely flinching along the way. Politically we championed leaders like Abraham Lincoln not just for his brilliant rhetoric and prudent leadership but also because he overcame poverty, depression, and numerous failures. We saw ourselves as underdogs who scrapped and clawed our way towards victory. As a historian, I know it is a bit of hyperbole to paint we Americans as the underdogs, especially white Americans. But, none the less, part of our cultural values consisted of resiliency and overcoming adversity and that served us well.
But, to a large extent, resiliency and the championing of it has disappeared. Instead, our cultural values have seemingly shifted to finding the loopholes and exploiting the short cuts. When did this switch? More importantly, why did it switch? I am not sure of the answers to these questions. But I do understand the serious repercussions of this value reversal. Rather than building citizens that display self-reliance and self-efficacy we create swindlers, cheaters, and those that suffer from victimhood. No doubt there are victims in American society, but there are even more that play the victim rather than seek improvement and build on their own efforts to push through hard times. Politically, many of our leaders are hucksters and liars. They prey upon society rather than create beneficial policies. They found the shortcuts and the loopholes that led to power and now exploit the rest of us using fear, hatred, and hollow promises. This new brand of leaders lack virtue and a desire to work for a better society.
I see the results of this switch in my students most days. They flee from any task that requires discovery and they put their head down and sleep rather than working through something hard. They never experience the satisfaction of accomplishment after laboring through hard things because they refuse to labor through hard things. Instead, they seek the quick fix and the easier, but less satisfying, path. I don’t blame them. It is what they have been taught by parents, leaders afraid of pushback, and our social institutions including education and our churches. I fear that when they are in charge they will teach the next generation the way they have learned to survive rather than resiliency and the skills that lead to real achievement.
Somehow we need to break the cycle. We must find ways to champion resiliency again. But, what would it cost? Will that cost be worth it? Reintroducing this value would be painful an cause crisis. The crisis would be the cost. But, maybe that is exactly what we need to move forward. Maybe a crisis could lead to the rebirth of American resiliency. I say it would be worth it. I say that a younger generation that learned the hard lessons that forge toughness, empathy, and productivity might bring about the changes needed in a new world that has been altered by technology and time.
Unfortunately, I am not sure most Americans will be dedicated to a solution that might cause a crisis even on a small individual level because we avoid cost at all costs. There is irony in that. Our affluence often prevents us from sacrificing or to live with any discomfort. Our obsession with individuality causes us to flee from accountability. Politicians and leaders flee from championing resiliency for fear that their followers will abandon them. So instead they promise cheap fixes, scapegoats, and unrealistic promises. In turn, the followers become disenchanted when these false rewards either fall through, go unfulfilled, or are resoundingly hollow. Until we start championing and valuing resiliency again and calling out dishonesty, laziness, and corruption American values will continue to be greed, sloth, and addiction to cheap satisfaction. Additionally problems of poverty, hatred and violence will increase while most of us will retreat into apathy, inaction, and despair.
What a remarkable opportunity we have to help teach our children and young adults how to improve their lives and our society if we will only humble ourselves by admitting our own fear of things that build resiliency and then holding firm in our conviction to hold those in our charge lovingly accountable. We educators must find ways to let our students know we care about them while still setting high standards, holding students to them, and letting some of them fail. We need to be able to pick those that fail up and help them to try again. We need to stand firm when parents offer their children a short cut by blaming teachers and the system for their child’s lack of ambition. We need to better communicate with parents about our expectations and why we have them. Then we need to let parents decide for themselves what they want their children to experience.
As parents we need to begin to trust other adults again. Sure, we have an obligation to protect our children from undue harm. But, we also have an obligation to let them learn from failure and empower other trusted adults to help them fail and succeed. Rather than trust social media’s bombardment of scary stories about other adults, go meet your child’s teachers and coaches. Develop a trust with them and then release your child. Encourage your child to take risks and participate. Let them know you love them regardless of what they achieve. But push them to achieve even if it means they fail. Resiliency cannot be developed without failure. Overcoming can’t exist without obstacles.
We coaches might have the best opportunity to teach this lost value. Sports offer opportunities for success and failure in a safe environment if we coaches are dedicated to challenging our players while also loving them. We must tach them how to win and how to lose. We must teach them dignity during the hard times and humility during the good times. We must sacrifice our ego and desire for glory in order to create an atmosphere that fosters hard work, camaraderie, success, and failure. It is only through all four of these conditions that resiliency is developed.
I contend that true satisfaction and contentment must come through resiliency. Self-efficacy and empathy only develop through overcoming obstacles while also creating trust with other people around us. The reward of valuing resiliency would have a trickle-down effect that would produce a positive change in our social institutions, politics, and, most importantly, our mental and physical health.